What a better way to start the new year, than with images of a gorgeous mom to be and her way to adorable family. I’m pretty sure their little boy, Troy, stole my heart rather quickly. He was a little bashful, but also very much all about getting all the attention he could get. I can only bet Troys’s little brother will be just as much of a comedian that his big brother is, if not more so.

Nothing makes my photographer heart happier than a gorgeous family meeting me at an equally gorgeous location. Oh California how I miss you!  This park was one of my favorites for sure in Orange County. Jennie you are a stunning momma and that maternity glow is all over you. I loved every second of photographing this moment of your journey to being a mother of two. Thank you for trusting me to capture these special moments for you.

 

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Now that the holidays have come and gone, all I can think about now is my due date. Here I am with being 28 weeks just around the corner. Apparently there are quite a few tests and an ultrasound I’m dreading all needing to be done next week. Every step of this has felt impossible, but with support I have come this far. Knowing I’ve done impossible before doesn’t make some of the things ahead of me seem possible though. Spending the new year doing different tests needed to check on this miracle doesn’t sound ideal, but hopefully I will get information to make some of this seem less impossible. But until then I get to hurry up and wait.
I totally missed the mark on a Christmas day picture. I didn’t take a picture last sunday due to thinking I would that monday, Christmas day. But alas, I did not. Cooking and enjoying family was my main focus and I just blanked that I needed a picture for my weekly project. So this week’s post is a bit late, nothing new for me. I figured one last Christmas tree picture though since it is coming down today. So I had some fun last night playing with the light and ornaments. However self-portraits are not fun, they are super hard when you have to use chairs and such to try and get focus before standing in their place. So this project has really pushed me so far, since I am documenting this pregnancy some self-portraits are required. However, I know I will cherish these and the crazy stories that go along with each image for years to come.

 

Lawton Oklahoma Maternity Photographer

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With every holiday season that comes and goes I’m reminded that my family isn’t whole. Here lately I have come across multiple people losing loved ones and my heart just aches for them. As they approach their first Christmas without their family member I know the pain that will be felt. While I haven’t lost a child or a spouse, a holiday without a loved one regardless the relationship is a big painful reminder of your loss. While my late brother has been on my mind almost constantly since finding out the gender, he is even more so now with the holiday season all around.
Last weekend I did school pictures for my nieces and nephews and within all the chaos, yet again I was reminded my family isn’t whole. And that I am a failure, but that may be a story for another time. You see being around my late brother’s girls is a battle, a joyous time but they are huge reminders that he isn’t here. The “your father is in heaven” talk happens more often than I originally thought was necessary. But I also promised him that is what I would do, constantly remind them who their blood dad is. And so I do. We talk about his ashes almost every time they are in my home, we talk about him as they point him out in pictures I have around the living room. They are still young and don’t fully understand, hell I don’t even understand, but I will continue to remind them where they came from.

Lawton Oklahoma Child Photographer

If you are contemplating suicide I beg you please reach out. You are probably thinking no one loves you, the world would be better with out you, and even worse untrue things. It is all untrue. Coming from a loved one of a suicide victim, the world is not better without him and I loved him then and still. The same goes to you. Each and every day your family and friends will ask themselves why and never have the answer. They will blame themselves for not loving you enough, for not calling or checking on you more often. The list goes on with the blame we have each day. You feel like there is no other answer, call me I will help you see another way out of this darkness you are in. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Each and every ones tunnels are different lengths and maybe you are right in the middle of your own tunnel. But you are not there alone even though it feels like it, reach out. You have become an expert at disguising your depression, your loved ones are not mind readers, let them in. I beg of you. With Christmas around the corner I wish I could of said all this to Billy, but I can’t so now I will beg each and everyone of you feeling lost like him. The hurt I feel without him here, please don’t make someone else feel this.

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I don’t really know how all of this is supposed to go, so to say I’m winging it may be an understatement. People are finally starting to ask if I’m pregnant, you can see the fear on their face usually. They don’t want to be that person, but I guess they are pretty sure I’ll say yes so they ask away. And to be completely honest, I love the question! I was the woman who thought I would never hear that question. The woman who would never get to experience any of this. So now every time I do hear that question it is a reminder of how good God is. How funny God is too, because surely there could of been a better time for this. I know, I know. There really is no right time. I hear it over and over, no one is really prepared and I get that. It doesn’t bring me much peace though.
This week was Christmas card picture time. I haven’t sent cards out in quite a few years and I thought what better year to start again. Taking pictures for Christmas cards was always one of my favorite parts of getting ready for Christmas. The main reason I stopped was because I thought who would want a picture of just my cat and I. And now they will get pictures of my cat, this miracle baby and I. Isn’t that the fun of Christmas cards? Watching families grow? But maybe social media has taken over that aspect of it. Regardless I’ll enjoy that part of Christmas card time each year now.

 

Lawton Oklahoma Maternity Photographer

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It feels like 6 months should be a milestone, but when breaking it all down it really isn’t. Maybe after the journey I have had of getting here, each month is a milestone. Proving God is the one in control of this crazy thing called life. Regardless each week is a celebration in this little house now though. And this one I suppose marks four whole weeks of feeling you move around. My morning and night routines are now a bit longer than before. I just can not help but lay in bed just a few more moments longer to feel your movements little man. I was told these were the magic moments and all day long I try to wait and feel you move, but census show my movement rocks you to sleep. Funny how that works out no wonder babies have their days and nights mixed up. I may cross my fingers and hope some how that changes the moment you are in my arms. But I am also a realist and won’t breath too much into that. So until then I will be thankful that while I am still you are having a party. I will take each movement as a little hello. I will take each movement, each day, as a sign that you are there. While the excitement has finally started to overpower the fear of this journey, it is not gone. But I am so thankful I am finally seeing more to be excited about.

Lawton Oklahoma Photographer

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