Tuesday I will be turning 31, as I’ve been telling people the down hill slope. Every birthday has been hard for me, because I have a fear of age, but not so much with this one. It’s an odd numbered age, there is nothing grand about 31. But I am finally being gifted a miracle I have spent a few too many years praying and crying for. It has been a hell of a ride to get here and boy would I change things around, but not if it changed my destination. So for the first time I am accepting of this birthday, I am joyous of what this age has in store for me. I can’t help but think that next year when I am turing 32 I will be holding an almost 6 month baby instead of this little 12 week bump.
For this week with it being my birthday weekend – or something like that – I decided to finally take a self portrait. I got dressed and realized I actually had a bump – food bump or not I do not care at this point. There it was ready for a picture. And so I had to share more than one image, possibly cheating on this “1 picture a week” thing but hey it is my project I will make up the rules as I go.

View full post »

Share on Facebook|Tweet This|Pin This|Send to a Friend

September 11th is always a sad day, a day of remembering what happened 16 years ago. This year that day fell on a monday which for me are usually crazy with work, but this year I got to look forward to seeing my baby. I stated before that I was anxious about seeing a baby bump, but this week I got to actually see Baby G. I knew an ultrasound would make it all real and goodness was I correct. The tears just poured from my smiling face before I even knew it was all happening. Seeing Baby G move all around and already hide it’s little face made all those years of thinking this would never be my reality just melt away. For that moment I didn’t care that I would be raising this little one on my own, because in that moment anything was possible. So far in this roller coaster of a life, this had to be the most beautiful moment thus far. Now I have that silly singing giraffe and a picture.

 

Share on Facebook|Tweet This|Pin This|Send to a Friend

It has been weeks, well maybe close to months, since I went out and explored the mountains that make me love this little part of Oklahoma. Honestly it has been weeks since I have done almost any sort of physical activity, and if you’ve seen me lately you would tell me to move my bottom as well. It sure was hot but the nature around was just as beautiful as I remembered and I needed it all. I have been so inside my own head with all this, not fully letting it sink in and yet stressing about years from now with it all. So fresh air, as hot as it got, and an open sky was exactly what I needed. It is coming up on two years that I have been calling this little area of Oklahoma home and I still can’t get enough of it most of the time. Seriously beauty wherever you are as long as your eyes are open to take it all in.

Share on Facebook|Tweet This|Pin This|Send to a Friend

Nausea was an early symptom, you know one of the few I chose to ignore. Sure it comes and goes but it is a vicious sucker, that is for sure. For some odd reason though, the more food I stuff in my mouth the better I feel. It is a horrible catch 22. I guess I shouldn’t complain too much, considering I am able to keep the food down. But again that stinking catch 22. Everything could be worse so I shall just sit here and count my blessings. Which through all this has been trying in itself, always a lot of fun being taught lessons. Maybe the plus side to all the food I have been eating will get this baby bump to grow faster because all these fun signs just don’t equal the visual ability to see an actual baby bump. Oh silly catch 22 again, I don’t need this to hurry along any more than it already is though because goodness I am far from ready. Day by day. Atleast Baby G has a cute stuffed giraffe and so far this little letter board has been claimed for this fun documenting journey. I looked at buying diapers the other day, I thought to myself might as well start now. But I continued walking, soon this baby will have a fun filled with things but until then I’ll enjoy these super fun symptoms and our giraffe.

Share on Facebook|Tweet This|Pin This|Send to a Friend

This week was hard yet uneventful all in one. This sweet little stuffed giraffe is the first gift for you from your grandma. She left it on my door along with some more pregnancy tests the day after I took the first test. So the gift isn’t from this week but seeing it everyday has given me courage to keep going. Every time I see this giraffe I’m filled with joy and reminded that their is life growing inside of me. After all the tests and a round of a fertility medication I had finally, just this year, came to terms that this wasn’t in my future. But here it is. Sure I cry most days at the thought of doing this as a single mom, but my family is pretty wonderful and I am reminded by them just how not alone I am. This stuffed animal is proof for me every time I see it that I am not alone.

Share on Facebook|Tweet This|Pin This|Send to a Friend